Examples - TOEFL Independent essay

Official ETS high scoring examples

Here: (link)

A good example from a previous student

In answer to "What famous place would you like to visit? Use details and reasons to support your response."

Recently, one of my friends from high school went to Okinawa for a company trip. She told me how nice the prefecture was and I was so interested in her story. Therefore, if I could go to a famous place, I would choose Okinawa for three reasons: its nature, food, and peace.

The first reason why I want to visit Okinawa is that it has great nature. For example, there are rare animals such as the Iriomote cat and the Dugong. I may not be able to see them any other place in Japan, so I would like to encounter those animals. Also, Okinawa has beautiful beaches. I was born and raised in a big city, so I am not familiar with beaches - I heard that I can see star-shaped sand in Okinawa, and I want to bring back some to my home.

Another point which makes Okinawa adorable is its cuisine. Okinawa food is unique and nice. When I was eating one of them, goya chanpuru with my friend from Okinawa, she said it was not as good as the one made at her home. I am curious about how it differs from Tokyo's version. Also, I am interested in a food called taco rice. I have never eaten it, but I heard it comes with tomato, lettuce, cheese, and rice and tastes like salad. I cannot imagine it, so I really want to try it and learn how to cook it.

Finally, in Okinawa, I can learn about peace. I am majoring in peace studies, and knew that Okinawa is only the place in Japan where a war was actually brought during World War II. Many people who were not soldiers were killed, and some of them were forced to commit suicide. Despite those sad histories during the war, they recovered and remade a peaceful island with cultural music and dance. As I am studying about world peace, I think I should know these events and how they recovered.

In conclusion, these days we can go everywhere if only we have time and money. I understand that many people would choose foreign countries such as the US or Australia to go sightseeing. However, still I want to visit Okinawa because I can experience its nature, food, and peace culture. Now I am saving money to attend a study tour held in Okinawa this summer, so hopefully, I will be going to Okinawa soon.

Thanks to MY for the original submitted in 2014